I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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