Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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