I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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