I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
