u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
