we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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