We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
