I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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