Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
