well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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