as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
