Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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