Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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