Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
