you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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