did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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