So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
