Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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