I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
