i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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