If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
