At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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