talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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