Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize