Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
