Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
