you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
