I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
