It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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