he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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