I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
