Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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