pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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