Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
