I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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