Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
