so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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