your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
