They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
