Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
