I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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