He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
