one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
