I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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