Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
