i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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