1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
