just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
