he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
