I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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