found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
