I hope mine doesn't look like that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
