Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
