Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk is not a location!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
