I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
