Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
