drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
