Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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