New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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