I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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