I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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