I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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