There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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