Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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