I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You are a genius and a whore.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
