i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
