every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
