I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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