I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So vagazzling was a success
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
