I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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