oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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