He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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