I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
