No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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