i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
