Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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